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Only Human

      I feel like a murderer she saidI knew what she meantIt was never intentionalOr expectedYou knew what you were getting intoYou took The OathYou studied for itMemorized itSimulated itBut nothing prepares you for itThe first mistakeThe first Oh My GodThe first I-wish-I-could-do-that-overI’d-do-it-a-thousand-different-waysOr maybe just one.And yet here you areWishing you had had just maybe an extra few minutes to think, to breathe, to prepare for That PatientBut you didn’tAnd you did the best you could in the momentOr you try to convince yourself you didHow did I miss it?Would my partner have missed it?Has anyone done this beforeShould I ask?Who do I even askDoes anyone else suffer this way?The lonely and the isolatedThe one here to saveneeds savingSave me from my thoughts, my fearsMyselfI did this to myselfAnd to HimWho else can possibly understandExcept my ownI just wish I knew who they were.Do they stay up at night worrying the same way I doOr do they sleepWho are they?Please let me not be aloneIsolated in this tormenting fearPlease let Him be okPlease give me peaceGive me restGrant me mercyto be human.